Beaten up by Jesus

“A Jackson man smashed a framed picture of Jesus Christ over another man’s head, police say.”

Apparently a guy was going to another guy’s house and messing with him over the past few months. Last week the guy entered the home and took a picture of Jesus off the wall and attacked the resident and then charged him with a knife.

In all my years of tracking Jesus in the news, this is the first time I’ve seen a picture of Jesus used as a weapon.

I would say that Jesus was definitely framed in this crime.

Jesus Welcomes you To Hawkins, Texas. Maybe

Hawkins, Texas has a large ugly sign welcoming you to their town. Except the sing says, “Jesus welcomes you to Hawkins.”

Jesus-Sign-665x385

So, of course, some hyper-sensitive anti-religion people must have this sign removed. For some reason, it’s an anti-religion group from Wisconsin that is particularly bothered by Jesus’ welcoming nature.

The group’s attorney, said that the sign “conveys a government preference for religion over nonreligion.”

This must not be!

I don’t really care one way or the other. It’s not so much the separation of church and state issue that bothers me with this sign, it has more to do with the presumption that Jesus welcomes people to their town. Exactly what leads them to believe this? What inspired such a sign in the first place?

Although I think the separation of church and state thing is ridiculously out of hand, I also think some of the idiocy that passes in Jesus’ name is out of hand.

Jesus Shops the Ikea

Jesus’ face was recently seen in an Ikea men’s room in Glasgow.

ikeajesus“I went in to the toilet and there it was on the main door when I put my hand out. I said “Oh my word, it’s Jesus”

‘I tried to subtly snap a photo because the last thing you want is to be heard taking a photo in a toilet,’ he added.

“Despite his divine encounter, Mr Simons left the store empty handed. ‘I actually went for tiebacks for curtains but they didn’t have any. ‘So Jesus didn’t help us there.’

Jesus was the son of a carpenter, so perhaps He was checking out new ways of making the furniture. Either that or it takes a divine Creator to figure out how to put together Ikea furniture.

Evangelism Technique #3,426: Don’t Clean Church Walls

bloodstain

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“A narrow red stain that has remained for years beneath a painting of a crucified Christ at the Saint John the Evangelist church in Newport, Rhode Island, has led the church’s pastor to speculate on its possible meaning and the presence of Jesus.”

“For myself, I find that in leading the Stations of the Cross … when I get to the 12th Station, I can’t help but contemplate the meaning of the mysterious red mark below it,” Humphrey told the congregation. “I stop, look, pray, and listen. And when I do, what I always hear is, ‘Pay attention. I am here.’ Jesus is here.”

“It’s almost as if God is saying there is something to pay attention to in this church,” Humphrey said.

Oh wow, that last line kills me.

Incidentally, attendance at the church has skyrocketed since Jesus’ blood stain showed up. Which I guess makes sense since there wasn’t anything else to pay attention to in this church previously.

Jesus Moth

A woman in Texas believes she has been visited by a moth with Jesus on its wings. The Imperial Moth, which is brown and yellow, allegedly has the appearance of Jesus on its wings. See for yourself.

jesus moth

She believes it is Jesus and takes it, of course, as a sign.

Esquilin had been praying for a way to continue her daughter’s education, and believes that the timing of the moth’s appearance is significant. The family also discovered that the color yellow symbolises hope, and brown represents important news.

“I believe this was a sign,” she explained. “God is letting me know good news is coming and to keep the hope.”

So, there ya go. Jesus did talk about moths once, putting your treasure in heaven not where moths can eat it, which seems to be not consistent with her interpretation of the “sign,” but alas, it’s not the first time Jesus’ appearance has overshadowed His words. T’won’t be the last time either.

Toronto Hates Jesus, Eh

Hey Canada, what’s up with hating Jesus, eh?

Toronto city officials have canceled the annual Jesus in the City parade.

“It is a sad day in this city when a parade for peace and love, Jesus in the City, is cancelled by city officials,” said McVety. “They would never do this to (the Caribbean Carnival) or the Pride Parade.”

“We were really upset by this,” said Dr. Charles McVety, of Canada Christian College. “We have been planning for the whole year and just weeks before the event, notice comes to cancel it. It’s shocking.”

“Christians are being slaughtered around the world and now persecuted at home,” said McVety. “Toronto used to be known as Toronto the Good, now it is Toronto the intolerant of good.”

Now, before you go hating on Toronto, the reason it was canceled is because of construction on the parade route as well as orientation day for the University located there. Too much traffic, too many roads closed, so Jesus gets the boot.

Something tells me Jesus doesn’t care too much about parades. Last time He was in one, they killed Him soon after. Eh.

Death Row Jesus and Wrong Conceptions of Jesus Being a Sinner

New thing coming you should be aware of: Death Row Jesus.

From the creators of Tattoo Jesus (I could have sworn I did a thing on Tattoo Jesus but I can’t find it) comes Death Row Jesus.

“When people think about Jesus, they don’t think about him being on death row, but if you think about what he did when he was on earth, that’s really the experience he had,” Miller said.

Miller said he hopes that message is clearly portrayed through this new video campaign.

“We communicate very directly that Christ became the worst criminal in history when he took our mistakes on himself. The second message is we are all equally undeserving of God’s grace,” Miller said.

I have heard such stuff before, that Jesus became a sinner, or “the worst criminal in history.”

This isn’t true. He was the spotless, blameless sacrifice for us. Yes, God “made him to be sin for us,” but that does not mean He was made a sinner. He became a sin-bearer–He bore our sins in His own body, but that doesn’t make Him a sinner or a criminal.

Even the criminal crucified next to Him knew “Dost not thou fear God, seeing thou art in the same condemnation? And we indeed justly; for we receive the due reward of our deeds: but this man hath done nothing amiss.

Furthermore, the Bible differentiates between the sacrifice and the sinner. Jesus was not a sinner; He was a sin-bearer.

For it was indeed fitting that we should have such a high priest, holy, innocent, unstained, separated from sinners, and exalted above the heavens.

Saying that Jesus became a horrible, rotten sinner is a misunderstanding of what’s going on. When the lamb of the OT sacrifice was offered, the lamb didn’t become a sinner, the lamb was a representative of the sinner and bore the sin for the sinner.

If Jesus became a sinner, then He got what He deserved. The Gospel is about love and grace, a sacrifice of a sinless, righteous man laying down His life for unrighteous people, not about judging a sinner.

If that’s not true, then the Gospel ceases to be Gospely.

Jesus And His Teeth

“The statue of the Lord of Patience in the parish of San Bartolo Cuautlalpan, Mexico, has always looked ghastly.

His tortured look, blood streaming down his neck, open wounds on his face, hands and knees send shivers down your spine. But it turns out that the statue is even more realistic – and macabre – than previously thought. Specialists restoring the 18th Century artwork have discovered that the statue’s eight teeth used to belong to an adult human

jesusteeth

So, yeah, that’s creepy.

Jesus Taunt at Obama

President Barack Obama responded to a heckler in Kansas City on Wednesday, with Obama responding to the woman yelling, “Jesus is the Lord of Israel.”

“I’m sorry what are you hollering about?” Obama asks the woman, as the crowd noise picks up to drown her out. He then casually replied, “I believe in God. Thanks for the prayer. Amen. Thank you.”

Being interrupted while speaking is not always an easy thing to recover from. Especially if the interruption is an attack, something I’ve only experienced a couple times.

He rolled with it pretty well. I will refrain from comment on his comment or the issue at hand.

Does Google Hate Jesus?

A Google user recently pointed out that Jesus doesn’t get his own “knowledge graph” when you search his name.

A knowledge graph is the little box at the top of Google searches that gives brief details about who the searched person is.

The kind of thing you’ll see if you search Muhammed.

Apparently, Jesus doesn’t get his own knowledge graph result, but other prominent religious figures like Muhammad, Moses, and Buddha do.

Does Google hate Jesus?

Well, I wouldn’t put it past them, but no. Once again, just relax everyone.

“You won’t find a graph for Vishnu, the Supreme God of Vaishnavism, one of the three main sects of Hinduism or Shiva, another popular Hindu deity. You won’t find a graph for Kirshna either.

“There’s no knowledge graph for God, Allah, or Yahweh either. What do Jesus, Vishnu, Allah, and these left-out entities have in common?

“They’re all God, or gods. Sure, Jesus Christ is also believed to be a human, the son of God. But in Christian teachings, Jesus is also God himself. It looks like Google is simply shying away from assigning any sort of god their own knowledge graph.”

Jesus Vine

Jesus once said that He was the vine and we are the branches.

Well, apparently Jesus wanted to drive this point home a little further.

jesusvine

Thousands of car travel along Highway 11 in Kinston everyday, yet most of them don’t notice some unique looking vines growing on a power pole.

“It’s very interesting. It does look like Christ on the cross, and even with the crown of thorns on his head,” said Rick Vernon, a retired pastor.

Vernon admits he’s even gone by without noticing it, but does say it could carry a spiritual message for some.

“Especially for Christians that it reminds them, just the shape of it, and the way that it looks, of what Jesus Christ did for them on the cross Calvary,” he said.

As the vines grow, so too does the meaning it has for some people like Ryan Vernon, pastor at 902 Church in Kinston.

“Jesus says he is the vine and we are the branches, so I think this is significant because it speaks to who Christ truly is,” he said.

Jesus Scarecrow

A “Jesus on the cross” scarecrow hung on a lamppost for a Cambridgeshire festival was removed amid a flurry of complaints online.

jesuscrow

Radka Shaw and her children made the figure for Godmanchester’s musicals-themed scarecrow festival to represent Jesus Christ Superstar.

Comments on the town’s Facebook page ranged from “offensive” to “it’s only a scarecrow, calm down”. Mrs Shaw said she had removed it but would “resurrect” it elsewhere.””

Seriously, people do need to calm down!

If a person truly believes that Jesus is the Son of God, the King of Kings and Lord of Lords, they should also believe that He is capable of putting up with disrespect.

Remember, He actually put up with being crucified!

He’s a Big Boy, He can handle Himself. Show your faith by being rooted, grounded and firm, not freaked out and offended at every breath of wind.

Who Would Jesus Bet On? Brazil, All the Way

The World Cup is starting today. A casino has erected a giant Jesus balloon to advertise their betting services. This has, of course, created much outrage.

jesusbet

And, of course, the outrage is exactly what they were going for because now even more people know about the betting services available.

“This is extraordinary, if they knew anything about Jesus they’d know he’d be overturning tables in the gaming halls, because they’re highly addictive and destroy lives.”

Well, I do know things about Jesus, and I bet He’d be overturning tables in many of those Brazilian churches before He’d be worried about casinos.

Jesus Shows up on Rusty Air Conditioner

A man recently bought an old rusty air conditioning unit from a friend and noticed that this was no ordinary air conditioning unit!

Unlike your typical air conditioning unit, this one had the face of Jesus on it!

jesusairIt’s totally there. But apparently not everyone can see it.

When I saw that, I knew who that was immediately. The gentleman I purchased it from didn’t see any of it. Think about it. They don’t recognize what it is. Some people see it, some people don’t. Think about that.

Dude. I will think about that. Consider it thought on.

 

 

Image of Jesus shows up on Blanket

Former actor Lance Raymundo credits his faith for his “miraculous” recovery, following an accident at a gym which shattered parts of his face and even exposed his brain at one point.

While waiting painfully for surgery, he heard a voice tell him he was going to get better so he could fulfill the mission God had for him. He doubted the voice initially, but the voice told him to sit up on his bed. So he did.

And then he spotted Jesus’ face in the blanket!

jesusblankey

So, what has all this done for him? Well, for one thing, he’s better now.

“Asked what he has learned from his near-fatal experience, Raymundo said he has come to value forgiveness, positivity, and faith more.”

Well, aint that special.

Early Picture of Jesus, or Perhaps an Early Picture of a Man

Spanish archaeologists have discovered what may be one of the earliest depictions of Jesus in an ancient Egyptian tomb.

Painted on the walls of a mysterious underground stone structure in the ancient Egyptian city of Oxyrhynchus, about 100 miles south of Cairo, the image shows a young man with curly hair and dressed in a short tunic.

jesus tomb picture egypt

The reason they think this might be Jesus, besides it being a young man with curly hair wearing a tunic is because he’s also holding his hands up.

“He raises his hand as if making a blessing,” said Egyptologist Josep Padró, who has spent over 20 years excavating sites in the area. “We could be dealing with a very early image of Jesus Christ.”

Or, as is more likely, we are dealing with an archeologist who wants so notoriety for finding a picture of a man in a tunic raising his hands.

Jesus Shows Up on Woman’s Bruised Toe

Been a while since we’ve had one of these: A Jesus sighting!

Oh yes, you thought Jesus was firmly seated at the right hand of God in heaven, but how wrong you are! Jesus enjoys showing up in all manner of places.

Perhaps today’s sighting is the epitome of the lowliness and humility of the Son of God. Could He possible find a lower place to reveal Himself?

“After falling down the stairs last weekend, Osuna’s toes became thoroughly bruised. She asked her fiancé to rub some dirt onto her toes. However, this was no ordinary dirt. It was dirt from a pilgrimage to the Catholic shrine in Chimayo.

“She wrapped her dirt-smothered foot in bandages and when she took the bandages off, there was Jesus, staring back at her from the bruise on her toe. Her family pointed out to her that the bruise looked just like the image of Jesus Christ.”

And yes, there is photographic proof:

Which raises one of the things in life that grosses me out–toenail polish. I find that to be disgusting. Totally robs Jesus of glory in this photo as well.

Crucifix Crushes Man’s Leg

“David Jimenez believed his devotion to a crucifix was responsible for his wife being cured of cancer. Well, the crucifix fell on him, crushing one of his legs.”

Jimenez asked the church if he could clean the crucifix, so the church let him. While cleaning it, it toppled and crushed his leg. he is now suing the church!

The Game and Gang Member Jesus

Rap “artist” The Game has a new album coming out called “Jesus Piece” featuring a picture of Jesus Christ dressed as a gang member. The Game defends his album choice by saying this:

“I’m calling [my new album] ‘Jesus Piece’ ’cause last year in August I got baptized and so I’ve been going to church, but I still been kinda doing me out here,” Game said in an interview with radio personality Jenny Boom Boom in September. “I still love the strip club and I still smoke and drink. I’m faithful to my family, so I wanted to make an album where you could love God and be of God, but still get it poppin’ in your life.”

Ah yes, the modern Gospel fully illustrated. Nice to see someone go ahead and be honest about it anyway. He suffers no delusions about the ineffectiveness of the modern Gospel message.

RG3 is “The Black Jesus”

Fred Davis, wide receiver for the Washington Redskins on his quarterback, Robert Griffin III:

“You really can’t say much more. I mean, like I said, he’s Black Jesus right now. He saved us today. He’s a great player. He makes plays. And he did what he had to do on that third down.”

Jesus, did in fact, come here to do “what he had to do,” but perhaps what He had to do was a bit bigger than what RG3 had to do, even on third down. RG3 may have beaten the Vikings; Jesus can save the Vikings.

Silo Jesus

Bringing back a past tradition, here is the latest Jesus sighting.

Jesus has appeared on rust on a silo in Indiana.

Marksberry says what appeared on her silo is a small miracle and now that it’s here, she hopes it stays.
“I hope it’s a sign of a good thing,” said Marksberry. “I don’t know if it means anything or not. I would like to know.”