Correcting Joel Osteen



Moral Chimps, Sort Of, Not Really, But Still

Perhaps you saw this story the other day:

Chimpanzees can tell right from wrong: Apes’ reactions to violent video footage may give clues to how human morality evolved

Whenever evolution stories are reported on, know that the headline has almost next to nothing to do with actual findings. Also note that when a topic is covered and always appears that they’re trying too hard, something is amiss.

Bottom line: if you read the article and the actual findings, chimps have no concept of right and wrong. Here’s an analysis of the findings.

It is somewhat ironic that as our culture increasingly decides morality is nothing but bondage, we feel a need to make animals moral.

Animals aren’t moral. They do not know right and wrong. Animals may have instincts that appear moral, but they are not guided by morality, they are guided by instinct.

God has put his law in our hearts, all people have a sense of God’s right and wrong. All people have a conscience, a thing in their brain that bugs them when they do wrong, sometimes shown by guilt, sometimes by brazen flaunting.

Animals can’t violate morality, carry guilt. If they did, they would need forgiveness and thus an animal messiah to save them. Animals are breathing piles of dirt just like people. The main difference is in our morality, conscience, will, and intellect.

He Sees You When You go to Church

Some churches are very concerned about your attendance. Some are apparently hyperly-concerned and have begun to use facial recognition software to keep track!

I find this amazing.

Using a church’s video cameras, it can identify who is coming. Who cares?

I mean seriously, if you don’t actively care enough to know who is there in person, what is spying on people going to do?

This is obviously a tool for mega-churches, I understand that, but still, seriously, what is done with this information?

If I went to one of these churches I would wear a hooded sweatshirt just to mess with whoever it is keeping track. Either that or sneak out and come back in 15 times.

I don’t know people. I don’t think I belong here.

Exorcism Donkey Ride

Although American Christianity is one messed up place, it’s at least comforting to know we don’t have a monopoly on crazy. At least I think that’s comforting.

The video below shows an orthodox priest attempting to exorcise a demon possessed man by riding him like a donkey. He told the man he would ride him all the way to Jerusalem if need be.

Apparently there was no need, for by the end the rather heavy priest is standing on the flattened man. My favorite part was watching the little kid. You’re not the only one confused by all this, me dear.

Slinging Stones With Jesus, Literally

jesusslingYou can now purchase a Jesus slingshot for all your slinging of stone needs.

From the catalog:

You’ve tried church. You’ve tried prayer. You’ve even sacrificed the fatted calf, but God still won’t smite your enemies. Get The Jesus Slingshot, new from My Left Behind Toys! The Jesus Slingshot will help you do unto others before they can do unto you!

Number of “Sinners” Is Declining

You’ll be happy to know there is a decline of “sinners” in America!

Wow! What great news! This must be evidence of some new revival, a new working of the Spirit!

Actually, it’s not a decline in the bumber of sinners, but a decline in the use of the word “sinner” in Christian song and writing.



The brief analysis concludes that modern Christians don’t like to call anyone a sinner.  It’s much safer to talk about people who have sinned.

“People who have sinned” describes a past act that was done. Sinner is much harsher, describing what a person is. No one wants to be defined by what they do, come on, give us a break.

So, we just stop calling people sinners and instead refer to them as people who make mistakes and suchlike. You can read the entire analysis here.