Hey, Irritate Him!

Read a thing on junk mail. Direct mailers work 1% of the time–50 people will respond to a direct mailing of 5,000. Email direct mailing has a success rate of 0.2%! Magazine cardboard subscription inserts work 14% of the time.

Television has to interrupt awesome shows, like American Gladiators, with stupid commercials. We Tivo through them or apply the remote, forcing them to do product placements and annoying logos everywhere during your show. People who want your money have to become more irritating to get it.

If you are dependent on people for anything—their time, money, energy, etc.—you have to become increasingly annoying to get it. If your church needs money they will be increasingly irritating.

Christians are not supposed to be irritating. We are not to throw our burdens on others or be dependent on people. We can successfully accomplish this because the Bible tells us that God can meet all our time, money and energy needs.

We are dependent on God for these things, which means we are to irritate Him, not other people. The great thing is that God wants us to irritate Him. He tells us to “pray without ceasing,” which means–irritate Him all the time! He loves it and abundantly provides.

Boycott Sports Illustrated

Man oh man, I can’t believe this. I’m going to have to boycott all sports pretty soon. This is outrageous!

Sports Illustrated is planning for its Masters preview a cover photo depicting Tiger Woods as Jesus Christ in a parody of Leonardo da Vinci’s “The Last Supper.”

Now, Tiger is pretty awesome, but I know Jesus, and Tiger, you’re no Jesus. Again, February is a great month to boycott sports, but seriously, they better resolve this by March.

Joel Osteen

Article on how Joel does church.

“You know what, some people are just never going to understand or never going to agree with me. You know, I believe that God is a good God and some people just don’t believe that. They think I ought to go out and tell people all that they are doing wrong and all that. And that’s just not me. I don’t think I’m going to change them. If anything, I try to search my own heart and make sure I’m on the right course.”

Non-Specific Prayers

Applications for how to pray often include: “Pray for specifics.”

Whenever I pray for specific things it focuses me on those things, probably causing me to do my will in regard to that thing rather than God’s.

Furthermore, if I pray for a specific thing for a person–that they get better, overcome depression, that God may blow them into smithereens in His mercy—I tend to veer into prideful praying. I know what they need, so do this.

I become a jerk when I pray like this, imagining I know how to fix them and then lay it on them.

However, when I look at the various prayers of the Apostle Paul, he prays pretty generic stuff for his people: that they be reconciled to God, that they grow in knowledge and judgment in their love, that the word may have free course, be blameless, quit sinning, etc.

Now, those are specific things, but notice he never says anything close to, “Lord, make Stephenas stop being a gossip.” If I were to pray that Stephenas stop gossiping, you better believe my pride would be in full gear.

I know how bad a gossip Stephenas is because I’m not one; I pray.

Our flesh is a good pray-er. It knows how to sound spiritual while really reveling in pride. Being generic with our requests may be the way to go. Just a thought; a theory maybe. I’d be willing to be proven wrong.

Dana Jacobson Is Baaaack

Well, we lost again. Dana Jacobson did not get fired from ESPN for her anti-Jesus attack. I guess we continue our ESPN boycott. Hope she gets fired by March.

ESPN host Dana Jacobson went back on the air Monday, beginning her TV show with an on-air apology for her recent anti-Jesus remarks.

“I want to once again say how truly sorry I am for my poor choices and bad judgment that night. I have taken responsibility for what I did say and do and realize why it was wrong,” Jacobson said.

“Several people told me last week mistakes do not define us. It is how we respond to those mistakes that does. I believe that,” she continued. “I hope you can forgive me and allow my future to define me.”

Yeah, right, not likely. At least not until March.

Kenneth Copeland’s Holy War

The US Senate is investigating several wealthy televangelists to see if they are improperly using their donated funds. None of the good Christian folks being investigated are cooperating with the Senate, in a show of good Christian citizenry.

One of the guys most ticked off about being investigated is our pal Kenneth Copeland. Here’s his very Christ-like response to the government’s requests for a peak at his records.

In a Jan. 22 closed-circuit broadcast of his 2008 Ministers’ Conference obtained by Roll Call, Copeland pledges a holy war against “Brother Grassley” and the Senate for attempting to get a look at the controversial ministry’s finances. Grassley wrote a Nov. 6 letter to Copeland and five other prominent ministers requesting a variety of financial information.

Holy War, Batman! I’m gonna go out on a limb here and just go ahead and give a guilty verdict.

“You can go get a subpoena, and I won’t give it to you!” Copeland storms. “It’s not yours, it’s God’s and you’re not going to get it and that’s something I’ll go to prison over. So, just get over it!” he tells Grassley, jamming his finger into the air. “And if there’s a death penalty that applies, well just go for it!”