Month: December 2006

Jesus’ "Secret" Family

I’m not quite sure what this article is trying to say, but it is based on a portrait they found of Jesus and his family. It apparently shows his younger brother James with Jesus and his parents. This is a big finding or something.

The Church, which I am reading as “the Catholic Church,” has tried to cover up the facts about Jesus’ family, it does away with that whole “virgin” thing.

“It also implies that James, the man in the portrait, was the one chosen by Jesus to lead the church after his death, and not St Paul, as is commonly believed.” In other words, Paul was not to be followed but James.

I guess I’m surprised that Jesus’ family is considered “secret” when it is mentioned several times in Scripture. Anyway, there’s a documentary coming out on it.

The Twelfth Day Of Cindy

On the Twelfth Day of Cindy I gave to my true love, 12 jokes an hour.

My wife says the first thing that attracted her to me was how funny I was. It’s true. She still thinks I’m funny, but probably not as much as I think I am.

I often tell my wife how lucky she is to have such good entertainment for free. There are people in the world who would pay big money to have someone as funny as I am follow them around making hilarious comments.

I want my wife to experience the full enjoyment of knowing how lucky she is. I want nothing more for her than her happiness, so I continue to be funny for her and, of course, for the children. I even made her laugh during child-birthing, not many husbands can claim that one.

Hey, she knew what she was getting into here. It’s not like she wasn’t warned. The fact that she still laughs out loud at what I say is cool. I love that.

God Dog

Is it a mark or a miracle? A central Florida woman believes that her pup sports a sign from God. This diminutive dog appears to have a cross on her forehead. Sarai’s owner says she was born with the image and it’s becoming more defined. The family calls the canine a Christmas miracle.

I’ve seen many dogs that have white marks on their faces in similar spots. However, I do think this dog does have a sign from God. God is clearly pointing out that this dog’s owner has too much time on her hands.

The Eleventh Day Of Cindy

On the Eleventh Day of Cindy I gave to my true love, 11 plans I won’t try.

“I have a plan” is a great line from several of my favorite movies. It’s said by Chris Farley in Tommy Boy several times, very funny. It is also said in Monty Python and the Quest for the Holy Grail when the guy suggests they build a large wooden rabbit, also very funny.

I repeat the line, with proper inflection and accent, almost daily. I always have some brilliantly stunning plan that will solve pretty much any problem that comes my way.

Like the time I was getting bobble head dolls out of boxes of cereal. Cindy was getting the cereal on sale for $1.50 a box, I was then selling each bobble head on eBay for $3.50, a profit of $2 a box! “Hey, all you need to do is buy 500,000 boxes and we’ll be millionaires!” Brilliant stuff.

That was one of my better and more realistic plans. My wife, at one time, used to listen to the stuff I said. She has learned now to just ignore my planning stages, listen politely, smile and say “OK.” She knows I’m too chicken to do them anyhow.

Occasionally I will feel unduly inspired and go ahead and implement one of my plans, usually to disaster. She is very good about not rubbing it in my face. She cheers me on. One of em oughta work at some point. She just keeps listening as I keep planning. I love that.

More Than Meets The Eye

I’ve been on a roll lately, having read several very good books recently. This is the latest. I heard Dr. Swenson speak back when I was in seminary, he was quite good.

This book goes into biology, physics and other scientific realms and shows how science affirms faith in an intelligent designer. He occasionally takes cheap shots at evolution, but for the most part keeps it on point proving his point rather than belittling evolutionists, not all books like this can claim that.

He ties in scripture in interesting ways while going through deep scientific issues with clarity and simplicity. I’m not sure that a person who is advanced in biology or physics would get too much out of it as it is more of an overview. I, however, being a moron in all things scientific, found it to be very informative. A nice read that will bring you along to your Creator.

Hump Day

This is the day, the last day of depression. Starting tomorrow our days get longer. We’ve made it through the roughest part of the year! Welcome back the sun.

Tomorrow we get a whole 2 more seconds of daylight! I have lots of plans for my two extra seconds of light. Here in Rhinelander we will have 8 hours and 40 minutes of daylight today. The sun rose at 7:45 and will set at 4:15. But tomorrow, 2 more seconds!

Taxes Paying Off

My three-year old son came home from his school Christmas party today. The highlight, which I was told about from three separate teachers, was that my son was the only one who could hit the pinata hard enough to break it. “Oh, you have quite a baseball player on your hands.” Melts my heart.

Anyway, he also came home with this ornament. Who says public schools don’t deliver?


I am, however, waiting for a lawsuit from the International Angel Union for disparaging the role of angel by comparing my son to one. He was made a little lower than the angels, but he’s still awful cute and he does have a good arm too.

Cheek Turning Now Optional

A second airline is embroiled in a religious row after a stewardess decided to take bmi to an employment tribunal because it refused to allow her to carry a Bible on flights to Saudi Arabia. The stewardess, who has not been named, claims that she has been subject to discrimination because of her faith.

A spokesman for bmi said the airline was complying with Saudi law and added that the stewardess had been offered the opportunity to switch to working on its short-haul routes.

In both of these stewardess cases they were offered alternative solutions that would have removed the problem. Apparently, you will know they are Christians by their ability to make problems worse.

The rule is also in place because if caught by Saudi government officers, who check airline luggage, a person could be arrested. It’s for her own good. I don’t get it. Dyin on the wrong hills.

Take Me Back To Chicago

A religious group plans to set up a DVD player and TV set at a downtown holiday bazaar to show a movie trailer depicting the birth of Jesus after the city dropped an objection to the display.

The city initially disapproved the showing of promotional clips from “The Nativity Story” at the traditional German Christkindlmarket because it represented paid advertising that could offend non-Christians.

Well, I’m glad that is settled in Jesus’ favor. He must be very happy today, more willing to forgive sins I’ll bet. This is also good news in regards to the Bear’s playoff chances.

The Tenth Day Of Cindy

On the Tenth Day of Cindy I gave to my true love, ten conversations.

Ever since the beginning of our stunningly romantic relationship, Cindy and I have always enjoyed talking. To each other even. Our first few dates together consisted of us staying up to the wee hours of the morning talking.

I remember once my Grandpa making fun of us because we stayed up rather late one night and he asked what we were doing. “Talking.” “Oh, yeah right, you guys were making out.” Not something a guy wants to hear from his grandpa but even he doubted our story.

Over the years we have had many long conversations that were always highly enjoyable. There have been some amusing ones. Like the time my wife told me she was mad at me because I didn’t tell her that I noticed she put on weight. Riiiight.

There have been other conversations too, not always so happy. But we always leave them with things resolved and a new outlook on the future. I love that.

Oh Go Make Some Pizza

Two leftists in Italy’s ruling coalition on Wednesday outraged fellow lawmakers by placing four dolls representing homosexual couples near the baby Jesus in the official nativity scene in parliament.

The two parliamentarians from the small “Rose in the Fist” party said their gesture was to promote the legalization of gay marriage and granting legal recognition to unmarried couples.

Bad Apple Removers

An ongoing review of staff members at New Life Church initiated in the wake of the Rev. Ted Haggard’s dismissal has resulted in the resignation of a pastor who oversaw a youth ministry at the Colorado Springs mega-church.

Christopher Beard, 35, who founded the “twentyfourseven” ministry that taught leadership skills to young adults, stepped down Friday after admitting to several acts of poor judgment, including an incident of “sexual misconduct.”

“As a church, the moral code to which we submit to is the Bible, and the Bible makes clear that there shouldn’t be even a hint of sexual immorality,” Brendle said Tuesday. “Sexual activity outside the context of marriage falls into that category.”

Well, good for them. I’m wondering why they didn’t submit to the moral code of the Bible when they hired these guys, but better late than never I guess. If you hire 33 different pastors odds are you’ve got a couple bad apples. This is the kind of stuff the church needs to go through.

A Jesus Shaped Hole

Dozens of people looking for Jesus can find him at a church on Chicago’s South Side. Thirty-two plastic baby Jesus dolls were stolen last week from nativity scenes in people’s front yards. Then on Saturday morning a woman found all the missing Jesuses lined up along the fence on her lawn and she gave them to St. Symphorosa Church.

King Of The Stupid

Some Polish lawmakers want to make Jesus the honorary king of their overwhelmingly Catholic country.

If the motion becomes law, Jesus would join a Virgin Mary icon that was made honorary queen of Poland in the 17th century after she was believed to have helped turn the tide in a battle with Sweden.

Which reminds me of my favorite Polish joke. Why doesn’t Poland have a hockey team?

They all drowned in Spring training.

The Ninth Day Of Cindy

On the Ninth Day of Cindy I gave to my true love, nine cuts of meat.

It only took me two years of marriage to convince my wife not to buy any cuts of meat with the word “butt” in it.

I’m still working on the “never buy meat that is on sale” bit. In fact, just the other night I didn’t have a meal of fish. It melted in the frying pan apparently. After explaining to me how the fish just melted, she said, “I suppose this wouldn’t be a good time to tell you I got the fish on sale.”

We’ve been over this many times. Don’t buy meat on sale, there is always a reason why it is on sale. For once, I am giving my wife permission to spend more money on an item and she just can’t do it. Be free Cindy! Experience liberty in the meat aisle.

Maranatha! Our Lord Come

Reginald Showers is an author published by Friends Of Israel. He writes some excellent stuff. I just finished reading Maranatha! A definitive study of the rapture of the church.

It truly was. He took stuff from just about every book of the Bible to build his doctrine of the rapture. It was truly an exhaustive study. Brilliant work, in my opinion. He makes a solid case for the pre-trib rapture and shows the reliability of the doctrine.

The only drawback of the book is that it’s about as dry as the air in my home in January. Goodness, tough sledding. Took me quite some time to push through this one. I think I read about 7 other books while reading this one.

However, if you are interested in the doctrine, you must read this book. If you aren’t interested in this doctrine, you should be, so read this book. Well worth the effort.

You should also read There Really is a Difference, which is the definitive work on the distinctions between Dispensational theology and Covenant theology. These two books will not only give you tremendous insight, they’ll keep you busy for awhile.

Sermon Audio

Kings are always messed up. Even the good ones are just biding their time until they can mess up. Scripture shows through history and prophecy that we need to be careful with our dealings with government. Whenever God’s people join temporal power, bad things happen. Jesus’ life is a great demonstration of this fact.

Click here to listen to the December 10th sermon.

Hell Pizza

To promote its Lust pizza, Hell Pizza distributed 170,000 condoms, along with explicit instructions on their use, to homes around the country.

The move prompted hundreds of complaints to the Advertising Standards Authority, which ruled Hell breached standards of decency and social responsibility.

An editorial in the latest edition of NZ Catholic newspaper calls on readers to abstain from purchasing any of the items from Hell.

Ah yes, and by boycotting this idiot company has now gotten tons of free publicity, including here. Once again, boycott boycotts.

Jesus Documentary

It actually took several hundred years for the life and teachings of Jesus to develop into a religion about Jesus.

And it’s the tumultuous period when Christianity was in its infancy that is the focus of the excellent documentary After Jesus — The First Christians, which airs tomorrow as part of the CNN Presents series (CNN, 7 p.m.).

For the life of me, I can’t figure out when “tomorrow” is in relationship to the writing of this article. I’m guessing Wednesday? Anyway, reviews seem to treat it favorably, which probably means it’s a horrible piece of filth.

Gay Jesus

“Christ’s story is for everyone,” said Kittredge Cherry, author of Jesus In Love, the first novel ever published about a queer Christ. “It’s okay to imagine yourself in the story of Jesus. He is ALL of us.”

“I wrote the novel to introduce readers to the all-loving Jesus who I met in my own prayer life,” Cherry said. “I believe that Jesus is both divine and human–including the full range of sexual attractions and gender identities.”

“Don’t be afraid. This is not a prurient look at the sex life of Jesus, but a classic re-telling of the greatest story ever told, the story of a truly human Jesus and those truly human women and men who lived, laughed and loved with him. Read Jesus In Love and you will feel His Spirit reaching out to you, inviting you to live, laugh and love with him as well,” Rev. White concluded.

The Eighth Day Of Cindy

On the Eighth Day of Cindy I gave to my true love, eight calls to make.

Several years ago I had a major run-in with our mortgage company. It resulted in me being delinquent in my property taxes, getting fined and taking eight months to try and get some help at the national mortgage conglomerate known as Chase.

I lost my testimony a few times to some folks down in Georgia. I could not believe the pandering attitude they overflowed with every time I called to explain the situation and get help.

At one point I yelled at a woman who was explaining to me that certainly they never would have done what I told them they did. “We don’t do that sir.”

“No! Listen, you do do this and you did! I can show you. I told you already. Why do you keep saying that to me? Can’t you just check?” I yelled and then hung up after telling her how I wasn’t that dumb to just lose $1,300 nor would I spend eight months of my time attempting to get it back.

I then threw a chair. Ah yes, not one of my better moments. Since that day, I have a problem relating to phone people trying to give their brand of service. I just can’t do it. I’m sorry, but I can’t.

It’s like I’m already on edge before they’ve even said anything. So, now I ask my wife to call places. In fact, it was my wife, who after I threw a chair and yelled at a person in Georgia, took over and within approximately 27 minutes got the whole thing sorted out.

Big mistake on her part, but worked out well for me. My wife now handles these situations and continues to do a fine job. I love that.

The Vatican Blue Demons

Cardinal Tarcisio Bertone has once again suggested the possibility of the Vatican forming a football team (“soccer team” for those of you who read the NIV).

“I do not preclude the possibility that the Vatican, in the future, could put together a football team of great value, that could play on the same level as Roma, Inter Milan and Sampdoria,” all first division teams, the Cardinal said, according to the Ansa agency.

I hope they do and I hope when they do they let people choose their mascot and team name.

The Vat I Cans
The Vatican Cardinals
The Pointy Hats
The Fighting Pontifs
Da Papal Bulls

Merry Christmas

Several years ago my grandmother gave us a reindeer that sang “Gramma got run over by a reindeer.” It was a rather odd gift, but our children enjoy it thoroughly.

I am really in no hurry to get rid of my grandmothers, they are both charming ladies. But I guess not everyone can say the same thing and apparently, waiting for reindeer to kill your grandma just isn’t good enough.

A man has reportedly been arrested for strangling his grandmother with Christmas lights while helping her set them up. Hmm. It was apparently a premeditated act all set up to carry out his murderous plan. People are weird.

Forgive Me, But. . .

I know few people will care about this, but it will make me feel better to say this.

I made the mistake of picking up a pamphlet this morning entitled “A Primer on Dispensationalism.” It’s written by John Gerstner, a Reformed brother. His book would be more accurately entitled “A Primer on John Gerstner’s Opinion of Dispensationalism.”

It is one of the books I got from my dad’s office. It has some of his comments written in it and he makes some good points, my dad that is.

One of Gerstner’s main points is that Dispensationalists deny Limited atonement (that Christ only died for the saved) and make the error of teaching that people are saved by their choice to believe the Gospel not predestination.

Predestination teaches that all saved men are saved because God made them that way, no choice was involved on the part of the one being saved. Gerstner says dispensationalists teach that men are saved by their works–their choice to believe.

He says this is flat out heresy and that dispensationalism is thus a sect, maybe even a cult, because it is teaching another Gospel.

However, Gerstner earlier in his book mentions Perseverance of the saints. He tries to say that dispensationalists deny this point as well. Dispensationalists say that believers will be saved even if they persist in their sin and do not persevere to the end. Therefore, in order to be saved, a believer must persevere in his actions to the end.

Now, allow me to tie this together. If a person is really saved by persevering in his righteous actions to the end, is Gerstner not just saying that people are saved by works?

It bothers me when people write books about theological systems they really don’t know about. I don’t claim to understand Reformed Theology. I do claim to be able to read a book and realize inconsistency on the part of the author.

It Wasn’t Me

Church members in the Heights have a good idea who is spray-painting graffiti on their chapels.

The graffiti has strange messages, including the word ‘yes’ next to a cross and ‘no’ with dollar signs. There’s also profanity. A handful of churches around Heights Boulevard have been hit.

The vandals also left copies of typed letters insulting some of the church’s charity efforts. The letters are signed by the name ‘Jonathan’. Some church members believe ‘Jonathan’ is an upset person seen at churches for meals.

Stupid Kids

Children under 10 think being a celebrity is the “very best thing in the world” but do not think quite as much of God, a survey has revealed.

The poll of just under 1,500 youngsters ranked “God” as their tenth favourite thing in the world, with celebrity, “good looks” and being rich at one, two and three respectively.

I asked my kids these two questions on the survey. My seven year old said the best thing in the world was “Dad.” and the most famous person in the world was “Dad.” Seriously, that’s what she said, I didn’t even coax her. Now that, that is a smart kid.