Suffer The Stupid Teenagers

Two teenage girls were arrested Friday night at South Valley Community Church, and neighbors say they’re tired of the drinking, kissing, cussing and smoking teens attending the church’s outreach concert series. But pastors at the church believe the two teens are not reflective of all the concert goers attending the shows and hope to find a way to keep the peace in the neighborhood.

Neighbors say that rowdy concert goers repeatedly engage in alcohol and drug use, screaming during the late night hours, and fondling each other outside the church during the concert sessions.

“It’s been a nightmare since they started having these,” said neighbor Laura, who asked that her last name remain anonymous. “Parents and guardians believe that they’re taking their kids to a Christian atmosphere, but they’re not … There’s no supervision outside the church.”

Is it good that sinners come to church or not? I’m gonna go with yes. I’m also gonna go with, you better be ready to suffer the consequences of it! I believe Jesus was killed for something similar.

Free E-Book

It is my pleasure to announce that the ebook I’ve been working on for six months or so is done! As you can see by the picture, it is called Deer Pants for the Water. Thanks to Forrest Kaiser for his work in this illustration.

Deer Pants for the Water: Things You May Have Missed in the Bible, is about all the things we’ve heard so many times, all the subjects in the Bible “we know.” We are so familiar with these things, we’ve stopped looking to see if what we’ve heard or what we believe is true. The Bible is pretty good when you read it!

Chapters include but are not limited to:

Being Good is not the Same as Being Spiritual
Be Not Drunk With Wine, Unless. . .
Happiness is Overrated
Sin Aint All That Bad
Your Testimony Aint All That Great
You Don’t Have to go to Church
Effectual Fervent Prayer
Voiding of God’s Word

The ebook is in PDF format, easily opened on your computer. It is 150 pages with 25 chapters. It is formatted in large font to be easily read on your computer or you can print it out. It can be yours by simply sending an email to me at jcweddle1 at juno.com Let me know you would like a copy and I’ll email one to you.

Thank you and enjoy!

Ripon Ripoff

The pastor in Ripon, CA who sold his own church unbeknownst to his congregation, has made a plea bargain. He faced up to nine years for selling the church and buying a BMW for his fiancee. After his plea, he should get 18 months. That’s worth it. I was just thinking, my church really could use a building. . .

Doorknobs

A Southern Indiana church claims to have a door with an image of Jesus on it. They claim it looks like the image on the Shroud of Turin, which also doesn’t look like Jesus.

The church’s pastor, Charlotte Pahls, said she sees the image as a sign. “I asked, ‘Why, Lord, a door?’ And he said, ‘I am the door. If anyone knock, I will come in and sup with them,’ ” Pahls told RTV6’s Ben Morriston.

So, you’re telling me that Jesus said, “I am the door and if you knock on me, I will come in?” What? The door will come in the door? I don’t get it. Jesus should really read the Bible more often and get his parables straight. That just doesn’t make sense. Not to mention, if “anyone knocks” Jesus should say I will come in and sup with “him or her.” C’mon Jesus.

I say we get more women pastors eh? Sorry, couldn’t resist. You can report me on the religious hatred bill if you so choose.

Religious Hatred or just Plain Fun?

British government types are still debating their religious hatred bill which makes it a hate crime to make a joke about a religion basically. A British comedian appeared before them and made a speech, which can be found here in its entirety. Here are a few quotes.

It is absolutely right and reasonable that religions should be protected from threatening language, behaviour and written material but I support the amendment to retain the right to abuse and insult, because of the essentially irrational nature of religious beliefs. That is not to dismiss them: indeed, I’m a great believer that the most important and most sustaining things in life are essentially irrational.

In my opinion, freedom of expression is being allowed to cause trouble, or create discomfort, or offence, as long as your words or behaviour are not threatening. Yet again, when it comes to recklessness, the Bill naively hopes for a distinction between attacks on beliefs and attacks on believers.

Everyone needs to lighten up, that’s my view of the whole thing. Who cares if someone makes fun of you? That’s life, deal with it, maybe they’re right and maybe you should laugh too.

Cargo Cults

Cargo Cults are weird religions that sprang up in the South Pacific during WWII. The February issue of Smithsonian carries a story on one of these cults originated by an American, John Frum.

every year on Feb. 15 is John Frum Day, the high holy day of a South Pacific religion that worships a messiah who is, as Paul Raffaele writes in a wonderfully weird story in the February issue of Smithsonian, “an American god no sober man has ever seen.”

A bizarre article.

Make Em Sing

A group of teens requested to sing “The Lord is my Shepherd” during a church service. That sounds nice, good to see the youth are in church and that they like to sing a traditional song even. But they had ulterior motives.

While singing the song, they stole several items from people near them. Then they took off. The reverend took off after them in his robes and ended up catching them and returning the stolen goods.

Always beware anytime a kid volunteers anything in church.

Misunderstanding?

Republican Senator Sam Brownback has gotten himself in some hot water over a quote of his appearing in Rolling Stone Magazine.

In an article titled “God’s Senator,” Rolling Stone quotes the Kansas Republican as lamenting the fate of countries that have legalized gay marriage. “You’ll know them by their fruits,” Brownback said. Rolling Stone’s writer reports there was an awkward silence as it sounded to him like the senator was referring to gays as “fruits.”

Now that’s just funny.

Free Parking

A church in Harrisburg, PA, won a court battle over whether their parking lot could be tax-exempt property. They finally won their case after four years and going all the way to the state supreme court. This decision could impact the entire state and lead to more churches getting more tax exemptions.

This, in turn, puts the burden on other tax payers only fostering good vibes for the church. But the funniest, or saddest, depending on what mood you are in, thing about this is the reasoning the church used to convince the state it needed tax exempt parking. I quote, “off-street spaces were vital to the church’s existence, because if members had no place to park, they’d worship elsewhere.”

That’s nice. Fight the fight of faith, unless you have to park too far away. Forsake not the assembling of yourselves, unless, of course, you can’t find parking. Sounds like Yogi Berra reasoning to me–the reason no one comes to church is that the parking spots are full. We’ve come so far. It began with go out into all the world and now we’re at, go to church if it’s convenient. Ah, progress.

A Real Bum,er, Something

A church in Florida has taken action to lock up a homeless man who kept sleeping in their church and taking canned goods out of their food pantry. “Bowens [the bum] wasn’t just sleeping at the church or taking food, Mallow said. The homeless man had also lit a fire in the balcony during one overnight stay. And parishioners said he had harassed them. Church member Beth Welker, 39, said Bowens made her uncomfortable. ”People were scared of him,” she said.”

Bowens the bum now gets 16 months in jail for being a menace. But that’s not the end of the story.

The image of Bowens as a dangerous menace is not shared by the Rev. Richard B. Anderson and his wife Nancy Anderson. The couple work at a neighboring church — First Presbyterian — and run a jail ministry program in Broward, including one for inmates at the Conte Facility. The Andersons are sympathetic to the church’s security concerns. But Bowens’ sentence did not fit his crime, they said. ”Sixteen months for three cans of tuna!” said Nancy Anderson. “C’mon!”

Nice to see the church splitting further over levels of compassion. If these other guys know so much, why didn’t they take care of Mr. Bum? C’mon, show some support, work together and make the situation better or at least shut up. On the plus side, they’ll have one more person at their prison ministry meetings.

British Intelligence

BBC’s new series, A War on Science, took a poll to see where Britons stood on the creation/evolution discussion. Here are some results.

Over 2,000 participants took part in the survey, and were asked what best described their view of the origin and development of life:
22% chose creationism
17% opted for intelligent design
48% selected evolution theory
and the rest did not know.

People were asked which one or ones they would like to see taught in science lessons in British schools:
44% said creationism should be included
41% intelligent design
69% wanted evolution as part of the science curriculum.

So that’s nice. Nice how the series is called “A War on Science!” No bias. My thought on this poll: whatever.

All Mephed Up

2 Samuel 9 has to be the best illustration of grace in the Old Testament. Mephibosheth was Jonathan’s son. He was dropped as a kid while trying to escape after his dad and grandpa were killed in battle. He hid in exile as a crippled guy, hoping no one would find him and take his life as he was a legitimate heir to the throne.

David, the king, seeks him out and restores him to his possessions and allows him to eat at the king’s table. David tells him to consider himself to be one of his own sons.

There are many correlations with Mephibosheth and people. We were hurt in a fall. We hid ourselves, God came and found us. He could have killed us instead, he blessed us and made us his sons.

But the most interesting and profound verse of the chapter is the last one, “Mephibosheth lived in Jerusalem, for he ate at the king’s table regularly. Now he was lame in both feet.” Even though Meph was blessed and given a great position, he was still Meph and he was still lame.

Even though grace has given us a great position in Christ, we still have the flesh (Romans 7) and we still have the groanings and sufferings of the world (Romans 8). We’re still lame because only if we see our weakness can we see the beauty of grace.

A day will come when all our problems dealing with life on this earth will end and we will be with our Creator in perfection. Mephibosheth is there and I can’t wait to join him. That is our hope and joy. It truly is amazing.

Best Vaccine

Members of a popular church sect in Zimbabwe are refusing treatment for the deadly cholera disease, claiming God will heal them, said reports on Friday. Reports said police had to be called in to confront members of Johanne Marange Apostolic sect in the eastern Buhera district, after an outbreak of cholera.

Government officials are upset with these people because they are thwarting their efforts to control the spread of this deadly disease. Fourteen people have already died this rainy season.

The Apostolic church was estimated to have about three million followers in Zimbabwe – about one quarter of the population – but they were split into many different sects.

Well, there will be fewer of them soon. Hard to imagine that these guys can’t unify aint it?

Spielberg Shpeel

Steven Spielberg’s new film “Munich” is out. It deals with the Israeli response to the Palestinian terror attacks at the Munich Olympics. He has come under fire for his portrayal of events, seemingly equating Israel and Palestine as coequal terrorists. Guess who’s leading those criticisms? You betchya, fundamentalist right wingers.

A few Spielberg quotes.

“Fortunately, the people who write that kind of thing are a small but very loud minority. It saddens me to see how narrow-minded and dogmatic some of the right-wing fundamentalists here in the USA are. I thank God that people who are important to me see “Munich” quite differently. Liberal American Jews, for example, but also some families of the victims from that time in Israel. They have embraced the message of the film.

“From the day I started to think politically and to develop my own moral values, from my earliest youth, I have been an ardent defender of Israel. As a Jew I am aware of how important the existence of Israel is for the survival of us all. And because I am proud of being Jewish, I am worried by the growing anti-Semitism and anti-Zionism in the world. In my film I ask questions about America’s war on terror and about Israel’s responses to Palestinian attacks. If it became necessary, I would be prepared to die for the USA and for Israel.”

James and Paul

There is absolutely no football on this weekend, none today and none tomorrow. Instead of indulging in the competition of others, perhaps I’ll start my own competition. I’ll finish a war that has been fought for centuries–do Paul and James agree?

The bone of contention between these two guys is Abraham and whether he is justified by works or faith. James 2:23,24 says “And the scripture was fulfilled which saith, Abraham believed God, and it was imputed unto him for righteousness: and he was called the Friend of God. Ye see then how that by works a man is justified, and not by faith only.”

However, Paul says Abraham was justified by faith, not works in Romans 4:2,3. Here’s the solution, the answer the Christian world has been looking for. Paul is talking about knowing and James is talking about seeing.

–Romans 3:26-28–we know that a man is justified by faith. It’s not something we guess at or are uncertain about, we know for a fact that salvation is by faith.
–Romans 4:23-5:1–the examples of Scripture and Abraham were written so we could know how we are justified–by faith.
–Galatians 2:16–we can conclude–mentally deduce–that we are justified by faith. It’s a matter of reason, it’s the only way it could happen based on God’s word and experience in light of God’s Word.
–Galatians 3:24,25–we are taught that we are justified by faith, this is the basis of Christian teaching.

James 2, on the other hand, is talking all about outward appearances. It’s about proving and showing. It’s about seeing and doing. Instead of worrying about everyone else, look at yourself. Do you have faith? If you do, it will result in works. You can see that you are justified because you have works. Compare the mental ascent, knowing, concluding, learning, teaching that we are saved by faith that we saw in Paul’s books with how James phrases James 2.

The discussion should not delve into different faiths or works, saving faith, works of faith, faith works, saving working faithing on and on. It’s quite simple. Paul says we know we are justified by faith, James says we see and prove we are justified by faith because we have works. I expect you all to quit arguing about this now. Thank you.

Fired Up

Green Valley Missionary Baptist Church burned to the ground back in September. After investigating the blaze, police determined that it was set intentionally. There has been lots of news lately about persecution of the church and church vandalism. Is this a rising trend? Is this one more result of the liberal media?

Well, not exactly. This fire was actually a result of the church secretary! “She was a person of interest from the beginning,” Barnes said Thursday. “We interviewed her three different times and then she finally confessed. It’s very odd.”

It was probably right after stuffing all the church newsletters in envelopes and getting repeated paper cuts on her tongue from licking envelopes. I hate that. If I had a church building, I’d burn it down every month after doing newsletters.

More Reading

Still no Jesus news. After reading The Glory and the Dream, I was in a groove for reading historical stuff. So I picked up The Federalist Papers, a book that has been sitting on my shelf for years. Always wanted to read it so here goes.

I’m about 100 pages into it. It’s interesting. It’s fascinating that Americans pretty much all read or talked about this stuff at one time. The Papers are a commentary on the Constitution written by Alexander Hamilton, James Madison and John Jay (they are our Christian Founding Fathers, as I’m sure you know).

I also just noticed that it’s more than 500 pages and I immediately began doubting that my historical groove will last that long, but we’ll see.

My Latest Reading

The news has been very slow the last two days. No one’s blaming God for anything, no Jesus sightings, pretty boring. So I thought I’d fill up the slow time with my latest reading project I just finished.

After about a year, I finally finished William Manchester’s The Glory and the Dream. What an excellent book. IT covers American history from 1932-1972, a fascinating and turbulent period. I was born right when this book’s history ended so it filled me in on how things tied together and gave some more detail.

Manchester is an excellent author. I also recommend his two volume biography of Winston Churchill. The problem with him is that his books are huge. This Glory book was 1,300 pages long. I sprained my wrist while reading it. But it was well worth it.

BBC Christmas

The BBC will mark Easter with a live procession through Manchester featuring a singing Jesus and Bez from the Happy Mondays as a disciple, it has emerged. The hour-long programme, Manchester Passion, will culminate in Jesus and Pontius Pilate performing a duet of Oasis hit Wonderwall.

The show will begin with Jesus singing Angels by Robbie Williams, it was reported. The Messiah will also duet with Judas on Blue Monday by New Order. The event will end with the resurrected Jesus singing from the top of Manchester’s town hall.

The BBC denied the programme will feature Jesus singing Heaven Knows I’m Miserable Now by The Smiths during a flailing scene, or Mary Magdalene singing the Buzzcocks hit Ever Fallen In Love (With Someone You Shouldn’t Have).

Church of England spokeswoman Gillian Oliver told Mediaguardian: “We are working with the BBC on this and are very pleased to be taking the good news of the gospel onto the streets of Manchester.”

No wonder nobody goes to church over there.

Scandalous History

Last night I happened to see a miniseries on PBS about the French and Indian War called “The War that Made America.” While watching it I became outraged at the liberal portrayal of our Founding Fathers. Here are a few “facts” as told by PBS: (by the way, the series was underwritten by the Heinz Foundation–Kerry lovers)

–At one point the movie said that many of the founders of our nation met to discuss liberty at “a tavern.” That’s outrageous. A tavern? Please, they had no time for taverns, they were praying next to their horses and stuff.

–Although we all know that our country sought independence for religious freedom, this distorted, biased hackjob said we revolted over taxes. Are you telling me that the Puritans revolted over money? I’m outraged at the humanistic philosophy behind this smear campaign.

–The only black people portrayed in the film were cast as slaves. How insensitive. I’m outraged.

–This movie had the gall to portray our Christian Founding Fathers as liars. They repeatedly brought up broken treaties with Indians as supposed evidence of indiscretion. You’ll have to try harder than that to bring down My Guys.

All in all, this film was horrible. There was no mention of Christ, the sin of homosexuality, abortion or any discussion as to the illegitimacy of Roe v. Wade. The caustic tone taken to attack our Christian Heritage is one more sign of the spirit of antichrist that runs our media. I’m outraged. Where’s the American Family Association on this?

Mary Movie

New Line Cinema has launched development of a feature version of the story of the Virgin Mary, buying Mike Rich’s Nativity spec script, reports variety.

The script covers the two-year period of Mary and Joseph’s life, culminating in their leaving Nazareth and journeying 100 miles to Bethlehem for the birth of Jesus. The story’s aimed at fleshing out key characters such as King Herod; John the Baptist’s parents, Zachariah and Elizabeth; the shepherds who were witness to Jesus’ birth; and the arrival of the three kings from the Orient.

Does seeing the movie about Mary the same as seeing a vision of Mary? I can imagine people who live in trailer homes leaving the movie theater and explaining to the local news “It was the wierdest thing, I was just sitting there and Mary showed up, right there, right on the screen.”

Catholics will flock to theaters to pray the rosary. Pilgrims from Mexico will come to movie theaters. Maybe eat a little Mary Popcorn cooked in special “Virgin olive oil.” You’ll only be able to see the made for TV movie though unless you have immaculate reception.

Confrontation

When I was in fourth grade I learned a valuable lesson in confrontation that I frequently am reminded of in my role as pastor. A kid at school was mad at me. I sat next to his girlfriend in art class, I believe was the hub of the problem. You know me, chic magnet.

Anyway, during recess this kid would chase me. Then he got a bunch of friends and this whole gang of people would be chasing me around the playground. Then I got my friends so every time he and his friends started chasing me, me and my friends would start running from them.

It got very annoying after a week or so. I saw this bully standing over by himself so I decided “You know what, I’m sick of this. I want my recess.” So I walked up to the kid and I said “What do you want from me anyway?” He said “I want to kick your butt” or some such derivation not nearly as Christianized. I said “Well go ahead then.” He didn’t do anything. So I turned my back on him and walked away. After that, he never bothered me again. Lesson learned.

One thing that irritates me is how many churches split. The main reason why is because bullies are not confronted when they need to be. Pastors are aware of what is going on in their churches. They know who the trouble-makers are. All too often they are afraid to handle the problem.

They ignore it hoping it will melt away. But bullies tend to get other people, then the pastor gets his people and the one group of people chase around the other group of people. If the pastor would stand up for his church the whole thing would be eliminated from the get go.

Fight for your church pastors. Confront the bullies, nine times out of ten they will back down and you’ll get your recess back.

He Died That We May Live

Kanye West has been accused of being a “moron” by the Catholic Church, after he was captured in a new photo shoot mimicking Jesus Christ. The hip hop superstar has outraged religious figures after posing bloodied, wearing a crown of thorns for an upcoming issue of Rolling Stone.

Keira McCaffrey, spokeswoman for the Catholic League, commented: “It’s moronic. I mean, Kanye West as Jesus? He’s a pop star.”

West attempts to justify his somewhat overblown gesture by referring to the stuggles he has endured to reach the top of the hip hop game.He explained: “If I was more complacent and I let things slide, my life would be easier, but you all wouldn’t be as entertained. My misery is your pleasure.”

And we thank you for it. I think I will exercise my ecumenical self and go ahead and agree with the Catholic Church on this one.

Join The Club

Naomi Wolf is a feminist type chic. She is best known for her book about cosmetics called Beauty Myth. My copy is on our coffee table. Anyway, Naomi went in for treatment for writer’s block and had a vision.

“I actually had this vision of Jesus, and I’m sure it was Jesus,” said Wolf. “But it wasn’t this crazy theological thing; it was just this figure who was the most perfected human being that there could be – full of light and full of love.”

Yup, that’s him. But the story gets even more weird for this feminista.

More bizarrely, she experienced this as a teenage boy. “I was a 13-year-old boy sitting next to him and feeling feelings I’d never felt in my lifetime,” said Wolf. “[Feelings] of a boy being with an older male who he really loves and admires and loves to be in the presence of. It was probably the most profound experience of my life. I haven’t talked about it publicly.”

Whoa, then how do I know about it? Maybe this is all a vision too. I feel light and love starting to fill me up. Not full yet, I’m full of something else at the time.

All Things To All?

Waco, Texas is getting a new Hooters Restaurant. It has received opposition from area pastors. But as part of their opening celebration, a local priest is going to bless the new Hooters.

“Blessings are part of the Catholic tradition,” said Rozycki, who is pastor of St. Martin’s Church in Tours. “You bless the building so it will be a safe haven, so that the families that enter will be blessed, so the employees will be blessed as they support their families.”

He pointed to the biblical story of Jesus eating with a tax collector, even though men in that profession were considered among the worst of sinners. He says he doesn’t see how attending the Hooters event is any different. “God’s image is in all of these folks,” Rozycki said. And God apparently has quite the rack.

For the record, though, Rozycki said he doesn’t think Hooters deserves the bad rap it has gotten from some. He has eaten at a Dallas-area Hooters twice, he said, and enjoyed the experience. I’m sure he did.

Preaching At People

I have often heard that pastors should never preach at people from the pulpit. I respect the opinion and understand the point, but I can also tell you why I choose to go right ahead and preach at people anyway.

Here’s my definition of what I think they mean by “don’t preach at people.” If you know someone in church is trying to finagle their way to become the new Sunday School teacher, you don’t begin a series on leadership with your main and frequently repeated point being–don’t take someone else’s job from them. That kind of thing.

However, I think this point can be taken too far. Many pastors have taken this advice and turned it into–never offend, never tackle a tough issue, never talk about anything remotely close to what anyone in church is currently dealing with.

Irrelevant drivel is the result. A pastor should have the spiritual fortitude to confront people in private over an issue they believe should be confronted. To hide behind the pulpit and lob attacks won’t work and is spineless. Confront the moron trying to take over Sunday School in person.

At the same time, Paul is very direct in his writing to Corinth and Galatia, certainly preaching to people, even naming some of them so others would know specifically who he’s talking about! There is a time and a place for preaching at people and I think the time and place is more frequent than we may think.

Scratch the Itch

Episcopalians from a church where the late Supreme Court Justice Thurgood Marshall worshipped are asking their denomination to name him a saint. Members of St. Augustine’s Church in Washington, D.C., will seek initial approval for the honor Friday from delegates to the convention of the Episcopal Diocese of Washington.

Criteria for Episcopal sainthood include whether the nominee was an “extraordinary or even heroic” servant of God and whether the person served humanity on behalf of Christ, according to the worship book.

Hey, I think I’ve done heroic service for Jesus. I need to switch churches. I didn’t know being a saint was so easy. I was worried about when my miracle would come. The closest I’ve gotten was this one time I told a guy driving the car on the highway that we were going to go into a ditch and then we did. Which is pretty cool but perhaps a bit shaky for the Vatican. But hey, who needs the Vatican when you’ve got the Episcopalians?

I Got Better

Reports are coming in from Benny Hinn’s latest healing crusade in Fiji over the weekend. Two pastors, Baptists of course, report several people who seemed to be healed really weren’t.

“From Monday morning, I had received calls from three people saying that sicknesses they had before the crusade had returned and wasn’t any better,” said Mr Bola. “These people followed what Mr Hinn said and put their hands on the parts of their bodies that were in pain but they didn’t feel any healing.”

“What needs to be done is for people who were healed to be verified because one of the members of the organising committee said on radio that the crusade was focused on salvation and not entirely on healing,” said Mr Bola. “That is different from what was being said before the crusade because it was all about healing.”

What? The healings might not be real? Shut up! No way. If it were anyone but Baptists, I would believe it.

Scratch the Itch

A row has broken out in Rome about whether the speeches and writings of Pope Benedict should be freely available to everyone or subject to copyright

The dispute was prompted by revelations that a publishing house in Milan had to pay £10,000 to reprint 30 lines from the first speech by the Pope following his election in April, after the Vatican transferred copyright on papal texts to its own publishing house, Libreria Editrice Vaticana. The Vatican also plans to charge rights on any papal texts of the past 50 years.

“I am perplexed,” said Vittorio Messori, who has co-authored two books with two popes. “The Church is an organisation that exists to spread the word of God and levying a duty on those words, putting a smell of money on it, seems to me to be a very negative thing.”

Yeah, it’s so uncharacteristic of the Church to “levy a duty” on God. It’s never hurt us before.

God And Hair

I’ve hated hair ever since I was a kid going to Dom Parise’s Barber shop on the corner of Douglas Avenue in Racine, Wisconsin. It wasn’t that Dom wasn’t a nice guy, he was a chubby Italian, what’s not to like? It was like having Tommy Lasorda cut your hair. It was the idea of taking time from all the important activities of youth to sit and wait for a dumb haircut.

When I was in St. Paul, I would get my hair cut maybe three times a year and I would go to Cost Cutters. I’d always get a foreign woman who would ask me questions over the buzz of the razor about how I wanted my hair. You can only say “what?” so many times before you feel bad for not being able to understand her accent.

When I got married I finally just told my wife to start cutting my hair. She hates doing it. She says “Oops” a lot in an attempt to get me to go to a barber. Doesn’t work. I’ve always wanted to be bald. All these hair treatment commercials boggle my mind. People pay money to get hair. I pay money to get rid of it.

Obsessions with having hair have to do with feeling young, portraying a virile image. We celebrate energy and rambunctiousness. On top of that, men are now supposed to dye their hair. So now, even if you have hair, it’s not supposed to be gray. I’m getting gray hair. Lots of it I noticed last time my wife “oopsed” her way through it.

But baldness and grayness are signs of wisdom and experience. I celebrate my grayness and pray for baldness. “The glory of young men is their strength: and the beauty of old men is the gray head.” (Proverbs 20:29) Amen, even so baldness, come quickly.