You Should Probably be More Concerned About Your Eternity than You Are

I’m always amazed at the flippancy with which Christians talk about salvation.

“Oh yeah, well he’s saved.”

“I know she’s in heaven.”

“I can’t wait to be with Jesus.”

I can’t wait either, but maybe you should examine if that’s actually a real expectation for you.

Whenever I bring up such things I’m always accused of being judgmental. “Who are you, God is the judge.” I know. I understand that.

Here’s the thing though: I’ve read the Judge’s book quite a few times now and He does a lot of explaining about who is saved. One of the points the Judge makes several times is that not many people are.

You wouldn’t know that by how Christians talk. Everyone they know is saved.

I’m fine if a person can’t wait to see Jesus, but I’ve heard this from people who have no desire to listen to Jesus.

If you don’t want to do what He says here, what makes you think you’ll enjoy being with Him there?

Paul says some amazing things in Philippians 3. Several verses in Philippians 3 are said frequently and flippantly by lots of Christians.

Have you ever noticed the phrases in this chapter about Paul seeming a little concerned about his eternity? Have you ever noticed his determination to make sure he is good? No? I’m not surprised.

We all know Paul is saved, he’s an apostle, wrote half the New Testament, of course he’s in, what does he have to worry about?

I don’t know, but he seems a little concerned about it, way more than most of us are concerned about our salvation.

We’re familiar with Philippians 3:10

That I may know him, and the power of his resurrection, and the fellowship of his sufferings, being made conformable unto his death;

Do you remember the next verse?

If by any means I might attain unto the resurrection of the dead.

Huh, what a verse. If you look this up in commentaries they will very quickly tell you Paul isn’t worried about missing the resurrection. Ok, maybe not. But even if he’s not, he’s still saying something. He’s doing everything he can to be part of the resurrection.

He’s not flippant about it like we are. There’s no, “I know I’ll be resurrected because that whole Damascus Road thing. Just gonna coast in now.”

Yet most Christians I’ve met say they aren’t worried about their salvation because of something they did in the past once. Hm. Weird how Paul is concerned but we aren’t.

Verse 12 says he is following hard after Christ so that he might apprehend what he’s so far been unable to apprehend.

Verse 14 he says he’s pressing toward the mark, stretching out with energy to attain the final goal.

Verse 17 we are told to follow Paul’s example.

Why are we so assured of everything so easily and flippantly? I wonder if we’re missing something. I wonder if on Judgment Day many will be shocked.

If only there were some verses about lots of people being shocked on Judgment Day that they really aren’t saved even though they thought they were.

I’m not here to make people doubt their salvation; I’m here to get people to listen to the Bible that seems way more concerned about our salvation than we are. I imagine that means something.

The Judge awaits you. Will you be ready?

Saying “Peace, Peace” On Our Way to Hell

There are tremendous differences between the Old and New Covenant. But Paul also tells us the stuff written before was written for our learning (Romans 15:4).

Therefore, there has to be some commonality between the covenants.

Making too big of a difference between the covenants leads to severe theological error.

Throughout the Bible God has wanted people to listen to Him. God loves us, He made us, we are His kids. He wants His kids to listen. Any parent knows inherently what this is like.

It breaks your heart when your kids reject your wisdom and go do dumb stuff, yet that’s what kids do. Hopefully they learn before doing themselves in.

God wants us to listen. Everything He’s ever done in relationship to us has been to get us to listen to Him.

Israel had a clear cut covenant: listen to God and everything will be great. Don’t listen to Him and everything will be terrible.

Israel rejected that covenant. Even during the time of the Major Prophets, when all the terrible was coming on them, they continued to be obstinate and not listen.

But to make it worse, not only did they not listen, they lied about how terrible it was!

Therefore I will give their wives to others, Their fields to new owners; Because from the least even to the greatest Everyone is greedy for gain; From the prophet even to the priest, Everyone practices deceit. They have healed the brokenness of the daughter of My people superficially, Saying, ‘Peace, peace,’ But there is no peace.
–Jeremiah 8:10,11

All the terrible is dropping on them, instead of repenting, changing their ways and receiving God’s blessing, they turned to lying about it. Nah, it aint that bad. Peace peace, it’ll be fine.

One chapter later Jeremiah says:

Everyone deceives his neighbor And does not speak the truth. They have taught their tongue to speak lies; They weary themselves committing wrongdoing. Your dwelling is in the midst of deceit; Through deceit they refuse to know Me,” declares the Lord.
–Jeremiah 9:5,6

The New Covenant does not carry physical curses and blessings. The New Covenant is primarily focused on the spiritual. So, how are we doing this same stupid thing in our day?

Many people are playing at Christianity. They do some churchy things, say some nice stuff, post a verse over a cute photo on Facebook. But their lives are a complete mess because they are not listening to God.

They are going through the motions. They are playing the game with no reality behind it. Their mouth says nice things about God, but there heart is nowhere near Him.

As their lives fall apart, as sin abounds, and sin’s terrible fruit comes home to roost, what does the church tell them?

Oh, it’s ok. You’re still saved. Remember when you were seven and you said the prayer? Don’t worry about it. Just remember God’s promises.

There’s no dealing with the sin, there’s no call to repentance. All they hear is “Peace, peace. Don’t worry about it. God loves you. You’ll still go to heaven because you did that thing that one time.”

This is the same stupid thing Israel did back then.

God wants you to listen to Him. He doesn’t want you sinning and living in lies that will destroy you.

Later in Jeremiah 9 we are told:

This is what the Lord says: “Let no wise man boast of his wisdom, nor let the mighty man boast of his might, nor a rich man boast of his riches;  but let the one who boasts boast of this, that he understands and knows Me, that I am the Lord who exercises mercy, justice, and righteousness on the earth; for I delight in these things,” declares the Lord.
–Jeremiah 9:23,24

Most people are playing a game with God. God is smarter than that; if you knew Him you would know that. You can’t lie your way out of reality. Reality and truth will always stand firm and your lies will break in pieces eventually.

Soothing and comforting and reminding people of promises that don’t apply to them will not help them on Judgment Day.

Saying pleasant thoughts and happy phrases over and over might make people feel good right now, but what will you do when you stand before God and His truth is brought before you?

The church is blowing this big time, just like Israel. It’s as if we aren’t even reading the Bible. Oh wait, we aren’t. We’re just going with the lies people tell us as we trip toward hell.

Enjoy the ride. The destination will be awful.

John Marco Allegro and Mushroom Jesus

There’s a title for ya.

What a tale we have for you today.

Allegro was preparing to be a Methodist minister, but got sidetracked into studying ancient languages like Hebrew and Greek. I have heard that around there he also renounced his faith and became agnostic.

But, as a scholar in ancient texts, he was invited to be on the team of scholars looking at the Dead Sea Scrolls. He was the only non-Christian on the team.

And, wouldn’t you know it, he came up with some pretty non-Christian ideas while studying them there scrolls.

Through a series of gymnastical leaps with ancient languages and etymology, Allegro came to believe that Christianity was a mix of fertility religions and the result of tripping on mushrooms.

He “proved” that the word Christ is etymologically related to the word mushroom. And, for added measure, so are the names Cephas and Petros. This pretty much proves it.

Christ was a mushroom. You were to “eat his body,” and get high and have your own little trip with God.

And, yes, I am summarizing his conclusions to highlight the ridiculousness of them and putting them in a bad light. You can study his findings if you like. I’m just saving you time.

He wrote a book entitled The Sacred Mushroom and the Cross. It caused quite the stir, what with it being insane and all. There were many accusations thrown about that The Church moved to silence him and his book. None of this was proven.

What was proven is that all other scholars of ancient languages rejected his work. The publishers of his book later apologized for publishing it and refused to publish any more copies.

One of Allegros’ friends was F. F. Bruce, who is a well-respected Evangelical scholar. Bruce apparently tried helping his embattled friend out, at one point getting him a new job at the University of Manchester where Bruce worked as well. I don’t know if this was a Christ-like friend service or not. Hard to say since I know neither man. I can see it being good or bad, I suppose.

Whenever I hear about people who reject The Faith and then go on to write crazy stuff about The Faith, it always strikes me as ramblings of insane, tortured men trying to justify their rejection of Christ. This sounds like what happened.

Allegro died in 1988 and now knows that Jesus is not, was not, and never will be a mushroom.

Jose Gabriel da Costa and Uniao do Vegetal Church

This church is literally and figuratively a trip.

Uniao do Vegetal is a church that was founded by Jose Gabriel da Costa, also known as Mestre Gabriel, in Brazil.

The reason it was founded in Brazil is because this is where Mestre Gabriel ran into ayahuasaca tea. This is a hallucinogenic substance found in mariri and chacrona leaves in the Amazon.

After playing around with this tea, Gabriel developed a religion. Here’s the official description of it:

[It] “blends traditional Christian theology with indigenous beliefs, and a central tenet of the faith is the drinking of a tea known as hoasca. According to church doctrine, members can fully perceive God only by drinking the tea”

“The doctrine of Mestre Gabriel teaches love for our fellow man and the faithful practice of goodness, according to the principles of spiritual evolution through reincarnation, and in communion with the teachings of Jesus as the divine master”

According to the church, their ideas are “based on the conviction that through successive incarnations, the spirit evolves, gradually developing faithfulness to the practice of Goodness, until reaching Purification – or ‘sainthood’ for western traditions.” In keeping with Christian doctrine, UDV considers Jesus Christ to be the Son of God.

You can go here to read more about it if you’re so inclined.

They sued for the usage of ayahuasaca in their worship services in the US. The Supreme Court sided with them and there are currently a couple of these churches in America, the first being in Santa Fe, New Mexico.

So, that’s nice.

So, we have indigenous beliefs, soul evolution, hallucinogenics, total purification, along with Jesus being the Son of God.

I have heard a number of people rip 1 John 4:15 out of context and say that all a person has to do to be saved is say that Jesus is the Son of God.

That’s clearly one of the things a believer does, but 1 John contains many other things as well. Things that don’t involve hallucinogenics and soul evolution incarnations, etc. In fact, if a person is doing all that weirdness, I’ma go ahead and make the call: they aint saved and they don’t know Jesus.

Just because someone mentions Jesus in a positive way does not mean they have any idea who Jesus is. John goes to great pains to make this point in 1 John. Don’t undo his pain!

After Mestre Gabriel took the hallucinogenic, “the visions, spiritual revelations and sense of personal mission he discovered came together in a coherent belief system and he began to gather a group of followers.”

If there is a religion formed in his head while on a drug trip, I’m going to assume the Angel of Light, otherwise known as Satan, is probably behind it.

The fact that a spiritual thing happened, doesn’t mean God was the Spirit behind it.

Be careful out there. Make sure you know where your tea comes from, eh.

Jesus Allegedly Kills Again

A man in California who ran over a bicyclist with his car and then got out and stabbed him to death claims it’s ok because he is Jesus Christ.

The suspect in an interview “quoted Bible verses and said people would think differently about his alleged crimes if they knew he was the “King of Kings.”

“I have killed,” Smith said. “If they knew who I was, they would let me walk out of here. They would fulfill all my desires.”

He later claimed his victim’s death was “minuscule compared to other deaths, and claimed it was Jesus who had killed thousands of people by summoning the 7.8 magnitude earthquake that has devastated Turkey and Syria.”

So, not only is he a deranged killer, he also appears to be a Calvinist.

Drugs are involved, of course. Very sad what people do. He also has a history of mental illness.

I’ve seen people with mental illness do very weird things with their half understood religious training. Religion often makes these people worse. I’ve seen it myself in working with people. They will take half-truths and act on them as though their half understood truth is what the Bible says and that half understanding is used as justification for all manner of sin.

Even so, come quickly.

Another Example of Sloppy Children’s Ministry

I saw this on the Interwebs the other day. It’s funny because those are two male lions. Contrary to the contemporary gender social construct, two males can’t have babies.

Presumably this was taken from someone’s Sunday School curriculum or story book. Someone no doubt edited it. They probably have a degree in some biblical something or other.

I know it’s funny and probably not a big deal, but this is the kind of thing, not this picture specifically but this sort of sloppiness in Christianity, that may contribute to so many kids leaving the faith when they are older.

I know, I know, it’s just a dumb picture and most kids don’t know what female lions are supposed to look like. I know.

But still, Christians are sloppy with teaching kids the Bible.

One reason for this is that generally we put people who don’t know enough to teach adults in charge of teaching kids. Our standards are pretty low.

For most churches you teach kids if you have kids, whether you’re saved or knowledgeable.

It’s stuff like this that made me say in a post a few weeks ago that I’m glad I never listened in Sunday School, so much stuff I don’t have to unlearn because of that.

Although kids may not be paying attention to the lessons you are teaching, they do remember the lies and the manipulation and the stupid stuff.

It’s easy to teach kids because they don’t listen and they typically don’t know enough to point out where the teacher is wrong.

But as an adult who hears what kids are taught, I’m pretty much sickened by it. To the extent I think most churches would be better off not doing kids’ ministry of any sort. They are doing more harm than good.

So, anyway, I know, it’s just a dumb picture, but it’s illustrative of our sloppiness we use in teaching kids because we know they’re too dumb to catch our mistakes.

Be better. Give kids the best you’ve got. Some day they will appreciate it and, if nothing else, you’ll be one less reason for them to leave the faith.

Help! I Can’t Stop Judging People’s Doctrine

Hi, my name is Jeff and I’m a theological criticizer.

I have a problem, a serious problem, one I can’t shake even if I want to, and in all honesty, I’m not even sure I want to: I criticize the theology of everyone.

Just today I heard a Christian song. It had the word “grace” in it a lot. It used big words and was doing a fine job of sounding deep and theological. People cry out for new worship songs with doctrinal depth, so I’ve noticed new songs having bigger words in it. The problem is that if you know what the words mean you can tell they are just stringing them together with no real concept what they are talking about. I did not like the song.

I then heard a guy talking and I could tell within seconds he was a Calvinist. Then he kept talking, as Calvinists do, and yup, he came right out and said Calvinist stuff: you can’t believe; God has to make you believe. You can’t do anything good and the only good you do you didn’t do it anyway, God did that through you. Calvinism through and through. I do not like Calvinism.

I read part of a Christian book where the author said they are not disciplined in their writing, they write when they are inspired to. They write in a way like John did on the Isle of Patmos, “Write what you see.” Oh man. The author either doesn’t think John was inspired or thinks she is. Either way I have a problem. I don’t like it when people put their words on par with Scripture, or say stuff like God spoke through them. I do not like blasphemy.

I’m well-schooled in the Bible and I know a fair bit of Church History and various doctrinal camps. I’m well read and have talked to many Christians. I know what people are talking about. I don’t have to think about what I’m hearing to come up with judgments; the judgments are just there. And here’s the thing, my judgments are right.

I know that’s arrogant, but no really, I’m not saying I’m right all the time, I’m saying I knew the guy was a Calvinist before anyone else did because I’ve listened to Calvinists. I heard it and he then went on to say he was a Calvinist. Like, yeah, I know. My judgment was right.

The Bible tells me to test the spirits, so I do. Most of the spirits I hear are wrong. I try to act with grace and composure even while knowing my judgments. I try to not be a jerk and arrogant, but my brain notices stuff and I know where the stuff comes from. I just know stuff. I can’t help it. It’s just there.

Sometimes this gets in the way of my worship. But I can still benefit. Even the author who claimed to be inspired like John the Apostle who wrote Revelation, she said something later that I thought was good (although it was in a quote of another author!). I’m still reading the rest of the book. I give people a hearing even after identifying their particular brand of heresy. I’ve learned to learn from all sources, even if the learning is just coming up with arguments against their stupidity.

But I know I’m too judgy. I know I am and I don’t know what to do about it. My judging has kept me out of trouble. My judging has even helped other people. On numerous occasions I was able to warn others that the person you are listening to is crazy. Later these people would come back to me and say, “You know, you were right, that person was crazy.” Yeah, I know.

So, what to do? Is this the spiritual gift of discernment? Or is this my flesh being too arrogant and proving that knowledge does indeed puff up? I don’t know. But I know I can’t stop, it’s automatic at this point.

Whatever advice you give me about this, I will judge it. I know what verses you’ll use already anyway. It’s nothing I haven’t heard and judged already. You can at least relax and know that I judge my own theology as well. I’ve changed my views on many doctrines because of me analyzing the words coming out of my mouth and realizing I don’t know what I’m talking about. That’s a good thing. It does not prevent me from being corrected or taught.

I do get tired sometimes. Tired of judging and finding fault. But I think the real thing I get tired of is hearing people completely botch the Scripture. I wouldn’t have such a big problem with this if other people said better stuff. So, who has the problem in the end anyway?

We all do. Grace, patience, and love. We all need that. I’ll do my best and you do yours. We’re all in this together. Let’s press toward the mark and mind the same rule and count on God to correct us where we are wrong. I will fight my battles and you fight yours. Deal? Cool.

Fighting Sin Through the Power of the Flesh or the Spirit

Sin is bad; we’re not supposed to do it. How, pray tell, do we fight off sin though?

There are many Christians who think if you just faith enough God will make you not sin, or that you won’t be tempted. There’s a magic moment when you truly call out to God in surrender and the battle is forever over. Sinlessness takes over.

Others think that sin should be fought, that there are actual things we do to defeat sin.

The first option means we do nothing except surrender. God does it all; we’re just passive victors of what Christ does for us.

The second view says we have a part in our own sin battles. That the level of sin in our lives has a direct correlation to our effort to stop it.

The surrender option would be cool, I know why it has a lot of people who believe it. I do nothing and still win! Sweet gig.

The battling view seems more legit, however, both from a practical and a biblical approach.

Paul says we are to bring our bodies under subjection; there are literal physical things we can do to fight off sin. We lay aside the weight of sin, we flee youthful lust. Hebrews says we sin because we haven’t yet striven against sin to the point of shedding blood. Most of us have made peace with sin in our lives. We’re not fighting it as much as we’re covering it so we don’t get caught or look bad.

I think bringing our bodies under subjection is largely something you have to put your mind to and exercise the option. For instance, if your flesh is getting carried away with any number of sins, fasting can be a good route to practice controlling your flesh. Maybe even use it as a punishment for indulging the flesh, make a severer consequence to your actions.

Now, this is where heads explode. “That’s legalism! You’re putting yourself under a yoke of bondage! We have freedom in Christ. You’re undoing grace and trying to overcome sin with works!”

Am I though? How pray tell does sin suddenly stop by me doing nothing?

So if I’m truly tired of a sin I do, how do I get it to stop? Do I just believe more? Surrender more? What does that even mean? How do I go about believing more and surrendering more? What if I already am believing and surrendering, how do I do more of it? Wouldn’t doing more of that be me doing a work?

There is no answer really. All that camp has on their side are increasing levels of doing nothing, which seems entirely weird and hopeless as a strategy.

I’ve run into a number of people who tell me they don’t do anything and now they enjoy levels of no-sin that boggles the mind. I have hung out with these people. I have never been struck by the reality of their alleged sinlessness. Of all the people I know who take the “do nothing to beat sin” approach, they do not strike me as paragons of spiritual attainment.

Yes, there is a pitfall in legalism, just as there is a pitfall in being a lazy bum who does nothing but sit around and wait for Jesus to eliminate their sin struggles. You can attain levels of behavior through sheer will power and discipline. Paul uses the example of athletes striving for a temporal crown as an example.

But Paul’s next point isn’t “So do way less than athletes striving for mastery, in fact, just sit on the couch and do nothing until Jesus magically eliminates your sin battle.” Nope. What Paul says is be like those athletes and do everything to win.

Paul is not a passive person. He attacks. He uses discipline and strategy. I recommend the same thing. I know that’s hard and it would be nice if we could theologically eliminate personal accountability from our levels of sin, but Judgment Day looms and guess what? You will give an account for every deed done in the body whether it is good or bad.

This is a fight worth fighting. It’s why Paul calls it the “fight of faith.” He doesn’t call it the “sit on your butt and do nothing of faith.” I suggest you start fighting your sin by any means necessary, even if it involves you doing something. The entire time you are praying and listening to Scripture. This isn’t some flesh overpowering the flesh thing.

This is the flesh being mortified by the Holy Spirit, it’s having our bodies walk in the Spirit and not fulfilling the desires of the flesh nature. Your body responds either to the flesh or Spirit. Your flesh wants you to sit and do nothing and let sin reign, wait for someone else to take care of my problems. The Spirit wants you to get up and fight with what Christ has given you in the Gospel. Go. Fight. Win.

Charisma Magazine Says You Can Cure Autism

Last week we learned that we don’t need flu shots because of Jesus. This week brings us more good news! Autism has been cured!

That’s right, with a little faith, a little name it and claim it, autism can be a thing of the past.

the Spirit of God taught me years ago with our own son’s deliverance and healing was to first take my authority over a severe autistic spirit that plagued him. I did as He said, and right then and there, the demonic fit stopped and never returned.

You too can cure people of autism if you can be as awesome as this person. Get a load of this line:

The tactics of the spirit of fear are to frighten and cause the parents or others in authority over the child, regardless of age, to back off from the process and to enter into doubt and unbelief. But if you, their caregiver and protector will not falter in your spiritual authority during this process, their deliverance and healing will manifest.

In other words, if your child has autism, that’s entirely your fault for having such pathetic faith.

Wow. How encouraging and edifying. Do you feel the grace and liberty at work?

This is the sort of drivel that passes for doctrinal teaching in our day.

Much charismatic faith healing talk is merely more burden upon already hurting people.

Looking to God for healing is one thing; shaming people with autistic kids because they don’t have enough faith is despicable.

Authors of such articles strike me as Job’s friends. They address somebody else’s pain by lecturing them, telling them they deserve it because their faith is so weak.

We should all be in a state of mourning over the state of the church today.

Gloria Copeland’s Jesus Flu Shot

Gloria Copeland, wife of Kenneth Copeland of televangelist fame, has recently told her people that they don’t need flu shots if they have Jesus.

 

“We all ready had our shot. He bore our sickness and carried our diseases” Copeland slurred. I wonder if Christ’s wounds heal slurring issues?

I’m not mocking her slur. I’m merely pointing out the inconsistency of the message. If Jesus heals all diseases, why does she appear old and show signs of stroke? Why does Ken wear reading glasses? But this sort of logic does not stop the flow of stupid.

“Jesus Himself gave us the flu shot. He redeemed us from the curse of flu.”

She staggered on, “By His stripes we were healed. When we were healed; we are healed. So get on the word, stay on the word, and if you say, ‘well, I don’t have any symptoms of the flu,’ well great! That’s the way it’s supposed to be. Just keep saying that I’ll never have the flu. I’ll never have the flu. Put words, inoculate yourself with the word of God.”

Interestingly enough the words, “I’ll never have the flu” never appear in the word of God.

The power of positive thinking does not heal people, nor does it prevent disease. This is pure gibberish.

Meanwhile, they repeatedly miss the clear point of Isaiah 53 and the supremacy of Christ to redeem sinners.

The clear message of “Repent and believe the Gospel” has been replaced with “Don’t get a flu shot cuz Jesus.”

We should all be in a state of mourning over the state of the church.

Hitler, Stalin, and Calvinist Anger

Evolution News and Science Today is an excellent website about the issues of Intelligent Design.

This is not a Christian website. It’s a science website examining issues surrounding the debate between Evolution and Intelligent Design.

They have an article out today about the scientific attempt to deny free will–our actions are genetically predetermined, we have no real choice.

This is secularism’s version of Calvinism.

Calvinism and Secularism both deny free will, the only difference is over who controls our will. Calvinism says God does everything. Secularism says our genes do everything.

In the end, we do nothing. Our actions are our controlling agent’s fault.

Here are some quotes that lead to their point of what happens when we deny free will. Again, this is coming from a scientific, not a religious, standpoint.

But if . . . free will is not real, then there are no innocent people, any more than there are guilty people. There is no innocence or guilt at all, because innocence and guilt only have moral meaning if we have free will. If there is no free will and no innocence and guilt, there are just natural systems (us) doing what natural systems do.

. . . .

Hannah Arendt observed that a hallmark of totalitarian states is the eclipse of the concept of guilt and innocence. In a totalitarian state, masses of people are managed like livestock, irrespective of any imputation of personal guilt or innocence. Hitler didn’t kill Jewish children because they were guilty of crimes. He cared not whether they were guilty or innocent. Stalin didn’t starve millions of Ukrainians because they were individually guilty. He starved them as a matter of public policy, without regard for individual moral culpability.

The denial of free will, and the denial of moral culpability that follows on it, is the cornerstone of totalitarianism. The denial of free will does not, pace Dr. Sommers, herald an era of tolerance and understanding. It heralds an era of human livestock management, and the early experiments based on denial of free will and moral culpability — in Germany and the Soviet Union — have already been run.

Now, I am not saying that Calvinists will turn into Hitler and Stalin. I am saying this plays a part in why Calvinists have a reputation of being angry jerks.

They are not responsible for their angry jerkness. Nor do you have any value yourself to be treated with any dignity as an individual. For Calvinists there are two groups: 1) Evil vile sinners and 2) evil vile sinners whom God chose to love.

This does not, and will not, lead to an agreeable treatment of others. Remember, John Calvin burned a number of people at the stake. Observe his government he ran in Geneva. Does it sound a tad like what this article is talking about?

Pastor Eaten By Crocodiles While Teaching About Faith

First of all, this isn’t funny.

Secondly, I did laugh.

A pastor in Zimbabwe was killed by a crocodile while trying to walk on water. Here is the quote from a deacon that made me laugh:

“He promised he would demonstrate his faith to us today, but he unfortunately ended up drowning and getting eaten by three large crocodiles in front of us.”

One would think this would lead the church members to re-examine their doctrine and understanding of faith. At the very least, it would lead to a search for a new church. But never underestimate the insanity of people in the church.

“We still don’t understand how this happened because he fasted and prayed the whole week.”

It’s a giant mystery.

Come on, church! We gotta do better than this.

UPDATE:
Apparently this story isn’t true. I should have known. That one paragraph was too humorously-expertly written. Bummer, I’ve been had. My typical ironclad confidence in my own brain has been shattered. I may never recover.

Wait, wait. I feel better. I think I’ll go for a walk now.

Snake-Handling Pastor Dies

As you’ve probably heard, Jamie Coots, the star of National Geographics’ Snake Salvation, has died from an untreated snake bite.

Coots is a pastor of a snake handling church. These folk believe that faith consists of taking up rattlesnakes and gyrating poorly to poorly sung blaring southern gospel music.

 

I will admit, this is way more exciting than listening to a sermon. Apparently obesity also shows faith, based on this video posted by Mr. Coots.

“He had one of the rattlers in his hand, he came over and he was standing beside me. It was plain view, it just turned its head and bit him in the back of the hand … within a second,” Winn said.

When an ambulance arrived at the church at 8:30 p.m. Saturday, they were told Coots had gone home, the Middlesboro Police Department said in a statement. Contacted at his house, Coots refused medical treatment.

The justifications as to why have no doubt begun and the foolishness will continue.

Children Killed in Attempted Exorcism

“A Maryland mother and another woman charged with murdering two of the mother’s small children believed they were performing an exorcism at the time of the killing, police said on Saturday.

“The two children, Norell Harris, 1, and Zyana Harris, 2, suffered multiple stab wounds at a townhouse in Germantown, Maryland, Montgomery County Police said in a statement. Their siblings, ages 5 and 8, were injured and hospitalized, police said.”

Demon-possession and exorcism is one of those subject people can argue about. The Bible certainly talks about it, but very rarely is the modern version of exorcism similar to the Biblical model. There also seems to be something the cross did to limit the effectiveness of demons.

One thing I know for sure, you don’t stab people in an effort to exorcise them. Be careful out there. Bad theology kills.

UPDATE: 1/23/14–the woman accused of killing her kids in an exorcism belonged to a church called the “Demon Assassins.” I know churches these days are trying to have stealth names like “Willow Bridge Fellowship” or “The Barn,” but Demon Assassins might be going a bit too far.