Customer Reviews of Scissors and Why I Hate the World

My beard is in full bloom right now. I haven’t trimmed it yet. Thinking of going big this year.

But I hate the hairs that grow around the mouth that tickle my nose and get in my food. So I decided to go on Amazon and look for a cheap pair of little scissors to trim beards.

Little did I know there are about 300 beard trimming scissors available.

My beard trimming scissor criteria are the following, 1) they must look like scissors that can handle cutting a piece of hair, and 2) they must be cheap.

But then I discovered that people have opinions about these little pairs of scissors. One pair of scissors had 126 customer reviews!

Really? There are 126 people out there who are concerned with my scissor experience? Do scissors really inspire enough emotion to motivate someone to write an Amazon review? I had no idea.

If I were to write a bad review on scissors I would say, “Yeah, for me they didn’t really cut it.”

Even more amazing, there are no beard trimming scissors that have a cumulative five-star review! People have problems with tiny scissors! One star for scissors, really?

Again, I had no idea it was even possible to not be pleased with a pair of scissors. Did these scissors make your hair grow longer, or what?

I don’t get people. A stupid pair of scissors can garner 126 people to respond, yet my sermons go largely unheard and unremarked upon. This makes me feel poorly.

What are my sermons missing that even scissors get more response?

But then again, is the problem with scissors or with people who are too busy to get to church as they must urgently review scissors for strangers?

I am a stranger and a pilgrim on this earth. This is not my home, I’m just passing through.

And, yes, the scissors work just fine and I got the cheapest pair and they also had zero customer reviews. So, if you’ll excuse me, I must go review these cheap, non-reviewed scissors before they develop a complex.

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