It is my observation that people who attend churches tend to blame the pastors for the problems in the church, and the pastors tend to blame the people. This is completely understandable.
As Adam once said to God, “The woman you gave me made me eat.” Adam is simultaneously blaming God and Eve. Adam knows for sure that whatever bad stuff happened, it wasn’t his fault.
Passing the buck is our oldest tradition. It is my contention that pastors are to blame for the problems they create and people in the church are to blame for the problems they create. I think we should keep it that way!
No one is perfect, we all make mistakes, get upset and say stuff we shouldn’t have said and do stuff we shouldn’t have done. People are inherently problematic.
Grace is supposed to be a guiding principle in the life of a believer.
We love talking about how Christ showed me grace, but we don’t talk so much about our responsibility to treat others with that same grace.
Grace is great when it’s applied to me; not so much when I have to apply it to you. Receiving grace is easy; giving grace is nigh on impossible.
There are reasons you don’t like your church. Some of them are the pastor’s fault and some of them are your fault. Your pastor is probably just as frustrated with you as you are with him.
So, what’s the solution? It depends.
Some problems are serious enough to talk about and try to resolve. Others are merely trivial and should just be forgiven. That’s up to the parties involved to figure out.
Resolving church conflict can only take place in an environment of grace, out of a concern for the Body of Christ that we not blaspheme the name of our Savior before the world. The primary concern is Christ and His Body, not your self-esteem, your precious children or whatever.
If grace and a higher concern for the Body cannot be the primary motivation to resolve an issue, there will be no resolution. Sure, you might fix the temporary problem, but the feelings will fester and show up somewhere else. Trust me on that one.
In the end, I think everyone needs to chill. You and your pastor are all in desperate need of the grace of Jesus Christ and His abundant mercies. Because of these abundant mercies we are to be living sacrifices.
Sacrifices don’t argue and fester. Sacrifices, yield, forgive and love. Most of the problems churches have could be resolved if everyone chilled and made Christ of foremost importance.