The numbers for the 2005 season of Southern Baptist Church Going has come to an end and there is a statistic that has caused alarm amongst SB’ers–baptisms are down over 4%! That correlates to 16,097 fewer baptisms than 2004.
What to do? Here are a few suggestions to help out my SB brethren get more baptisms.
-Turn baptismal into a hot tub and offer hot tub time with free manicures.
-Give away $100 of gas for each person getting baptized.
-Switch to sprinkling from dunking and buy fire hoses.
-Cancel church on Christmas.
-Write three more verses of “Just As I Am.”
-Eliminate lying from the list of sins and then go ahead and fudge the numbers from First Baptist of Pox Hollow.
-Stop cheapening baptism by worrying about numbers.