Each week I pick football games based on the current state of God’s opinions on things as given by modern Christianity. Games are on Saturday this week so everyone can go to their churches that are closed for Christmas. Currently we are 27-14, but 41-0 in our own eyes.
Buffalo at Cincinnati
A guy from Buffalo sold a statue of Jesus that authorities believed had drugs stuffed in it. Not sure if it’s true, but still, selling Jesus to begin with is pretty risky and he must have done something to garner suspicion with the all-wise customs officials. I say he’s guilty
Jacksonville at Houston
Jacksonville was visited by Jesus on a nacho pan. Obviously God favors Jacksonville, and probably nachos too. Eat up. Plus, Houston is home to Joel Osteen who isn’t nearly as happy anymore now that his wife ruined his hard-fought testimony. God don’t like that, never been a real fan of women to begin with. Don’t go there.
Philadelphia at Arizona
The woman who embezzled money from her church for breast implants lived near Philadelphia. God certainly doesn’t like people stealing His money nor does He like that whole sex thing, not good. But the Cardinals represent the Catholic Church, which ran an ad in a magazine with the Virgin Mary wearing a condom on her head. Tough one. Both deal with sex, both are wrong and stupid. Hmm